You Slipped Through My Fingers Once
by Radioactive Paradox
Summary: Clare Edwards knew what would become of life the day she became the wife of a soldier. Eli swore he'd come back, but when he doesn't, Clare decides to move on yet holds a crucial piece of Eli. But when Eli suddenly shows up, will he like the scene he is met with? AU - HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

What's up everyone? Well here I am with my first fanfic, I'm still new so please try to be easy on me! This idea just popped into my head and ended up making me start writing fanfiction! I'm sorry for any grammar issues, but I truly hope you guys enjoy the first installment of; 'You Slipped Through My Fingers Once."

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Degrassi or anything else.**

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_"Clare, I'll come back for you, no matter what. We'll meet here, at this gate, a year from now, then we can live the rest of our lives together."_

_"How do I know that Eli? Godamnit, we've only been married for seven months and you're already leaving me."_

_"You knew we would go through this the day you became the wife of a soldier Clare, I have to do this, it's what I am." I raised my hands, holding his face, drenching in this last moment before his gate opened._

_"I know that, and I will accept you, for whatever and whoever you are, but come back to me, or I swear to go-"_

_"Right here, a year from now blue eyes," he interrupted me._

_"Right here, a year from now," I repeated, smiling as the tears cascaded down my cheeks._

**_"All uniformed military personnel, please board the aircraft at this time."_ **

_He stared down at me, sadness and longing in his emerald eyes. He leaned down for one last kiss, I savored the moment, this would be our last kiss for a long time. With one small last peck, he descended towards the gate. Before finally entering, he cast one final glance at me, his smirk and emerald eyes the last thing I saw._

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Clare's Perspective

_6 years later_

"Why can't I play outside?" I heard E.J whine from the living room.

"It's raining outside, E.J, we wouldn't want you to get a cold." I heard Adam chuckle afterwords.

"Daddy's right, E.J, maybe tomorrow," I said sighing from the kitchen, in many ways, he was just like Eli, always being stubborn. Tears pricked my eyes as I thought back to the day my life was indescribably altered.

_I was just doing the laundry, like any other day, while Adam was skimming through channels on the television. After Eli being gone, Adam became my support system, not like he wasn't already. I was glad to have a best friend to take care of me while Eli was gone. The door bell suddenly rang while I was still drying the clothes._

_"Adam! Could you get that please?" I yelled frustrated._

_"Yeah yeah sure!" He yelled back._

_After the clothes being finally folded, I walked back upstairs to find Adam in the kitchen, his back turned towards me. "Who was at the door?" I asked. He turned towards me, a letter in his hand, a solemn look sketched across his face. I knew that look. "No, NO, Adam NO! That's just a letter saying he's coming back soon!" I screamed, I put my hands over my face, the tears already streaming down my face. I crouched down, this wasn't it, it couldn't be. Adam slowly approached me, and bent down to my level, he slowly engulfed me in the one thing I needed most, a hug._

It had turn out, Eli was hit during combat, but they never found his body. For the next year, I wasn't Clare Goldsw-Edwards anymore. I was nothing. Losing the one person, who promised to never leave me, left. I resorted to questioning God and everything I had ever believed in for taking him away. Adam tried countless times to bring me out of this dark and dreary slump, he kept repeating things like, "Eli wouldn't want this Clare, he would want you to be happy." Bullshit.

I would sit in my bedroom, in the pitch black dark, alone with my thoughts. What would Eli and I would be doing at this moment? If he were still here; having a child.

That very thought, was the very thought that brought me to live life again. If Eli couldn't be here, then his legacy would. Over the next few months, I decided I was going to have a child, in memory of Eli, so I could have that one last piece of him with me. I searched for a good sperm donor, and within a few weeks, I was pregnant.

Knowing I couldn't take care of this baby alone, Adam volunteered to be the baby's father. Words could not express how grateful I was for Adam to father a child that wasn't his. My mother, who was also surprisingly distraught about Eli's death, went along with the idea knowing this was a good thing for me.

Nine months of planning, preparing and nurturing came to a close on a breezy November day. When Adam and I laid eyes on the newborn baby boy, it was magical to say the least. He had ocean blue eyes and a patch of auburn curly locks just like me. It didn't matter anymore that this wasn't Adam's biological son, he had already cast a protective hand over the baby. This was the start, of something entirely new.

Here I am, washing dishes, reminiscing about how my three year old came to be. After putting away everything I settled into a chair in the dining room, Adam soon joining me.

"Tough day?" Adam asked smiling at me.

"Oh god you have no idea, I had to finish all the articles that I should've finished last night but couldn't because E.J had a cold." I laughed, my poor baby had a cold and wouldn't go to sleep.

"Whoah, how come I didn't hear him? He's usually quite loud when he's sick," Adam said surprised.

"You were sleeping like a log!" I laughed shaking my head. Suddenly E.J whipped by me heading straight for the front door. "Oh no you don't! You're not going outside!" I yelled smiling, "Elijah Junior, you better get back here!" I hollered hearing Adam laugh hysterically.

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Eli's Perspective

It had been six years since I'd seen this house, and man, did I miss it. I couldn't wait to see Clare. After being rescued by one of the villages in Iraq, then having been in a coma for a year, then being held for questioning repeatedly by the U.S government for another fours years, I thought I'd never see my family and most importantly my love, Clare. The government wouldn't notify Clare I was alive until they were rock solid sure I wasn't a spy.

Something I didn't miss, was the heavy rain that usually poured over our town. With my leather jacket dripping with water, the anticipation was too much to bear. Heading up to the door, I noticed the doorbell was broken, and judging from the loud music, knocking would seem trivial. I peeked through the living room window and was met with a scene of shock. There sat a little boy, that looked exactly like Clare. Pain shot through my chest as it dawned on me that Clare had moved on with another man. Though I couldn't blame her, I promised I'd never leave her when in the end, I did. But It didn't hurt much less.

I must've gasped pretty loud since the little boy perked his head towards my direction and instantly saw me. Before, running away fast enough, I couldn't help but be captivated at how his now peculiar eyes were the same ocean blue eyes I fell in love and am still in love with, long ago. Snapping out of it, I realized the little boy was getting up running towards the front door to question me. Standing up quickly, I ran trying to find a spot to hide when suddenly, I heard the most angelic voice I could never ever forget.

"Elijah Junior, you better get back here!"

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Don't hurt me! Haha well I hope you guys liked the fic so far. I know the explanation of Eli's whereabouts when he "died" seem very rushed and not well put together, but you'll get a clear explanation throughout the story.

Please review, comment, PM me, don't be afraid!

Regards,

RP xx


	2. Chapter 2

Hi guys! I just wanted to thank a lot of you for the views and positive feedback. I never anticipated such a fast and friendly start. I actually thought no one was going to read this. But anyways, I'd just like to spotlight some of my favorite reviews:

**NJCD: **You were my first reviewer, and really made me smile. Thank you so much, I hope to continue to make this fic epic. Haha xx

**catfishychicky01:** Your review made me laugh a lot, more because of the bluntness haha :) Well I would hope you'd hug me instead of hate, but if you don't like something about the first chapter, PM or inbox me on tumblr! This is a learning experience for me, so all your input can make the story much much better! But thank you for the review! xx

**Degrassilover419: **Thank you lots! I'm glad that you loved the first chapter, I wanted to capture all of you into reading this (wow that sounded creepy) with a hook. Hope you enjoy what I have to offer in this story! xx

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Degrassi or anything else.**

Okay sorry, this author's note is getting long, enjoy the second chapter!

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Eli's Perspective

Only one person in this world, could hold such a beautiful voice, Clare. After being gone six years, hearing her voice made my stomach drop.

Turning around slowly, I met the face of my love. Before saying a single word, the little boy, who I couldn't help but smile at how he was named after me, pulled on my jacket. I bent down to eye level with him.

"You should come inside! It's raining outside and daddy says you can get a cold from that, I don't wanna get a cold," he huffed. My smile faltered, daddy? So Clare really did move on with someone. This child couldn't have been mine, he would have been much older and looked a little bit like me.. I had hoped he or she would of.

I stood up looking at Clare, she had a blank expression masking her face. Was she not happy to see me? Well of course not, she has a husband. Her voice suddenly interrupted my conscience.

"E.J, come inside, and bring him in with you," Clare smiled at the little boy. Him? Was I all really just a "him" to her? Ah well better than nothing. E.J grabbed my massive hand in his miniature one and guided me to the front door.

"E.J, I like that name, it's pretty cool," I grinned down at him.

"Thanks, I like it too," he blushed. I was immensely glad E.J had inherited Clare's blush. I had always thought it was adorable and a trademark trait of hers.

Once we were inside, I glanced around the living room, everything seemed the same except for the many toys littering the floor and table.

"E.J, go upstairs and clean up baby," Clare motioned to the stairs. E.J nodded and cast a glance at me before walking upstairs. Clare then looked at me. Her blue orbs, empty.

"Uhm, Eli, please sit," I could hear the years of damage I had done to her in her voice. I sat down hesitantly.

"You're supposed to be dead," Clare croaked.

"I know if you'd let me expla-" I was suddenly interrupted by a voice I knew all too well.

"Hey Clare where's the rest of the.." my best friend Adam, stopped mid-sentence after noticing me. "Emo boy," he grinned widely. Adam was, no he couldn't be, Adam couldn't be Clare's husband and father of her child, he would never ever do that to me.. would he?

"Adam.." Clare's muffled whimper shot pain all over me, she was helpless, I had caused her so much grief, and showing up unannounced to her family, was causing her to shut down. She quickly got up and headed straight for Adam. He closed her in a comforting hug, patting her hair and whispering in her ear. I stood there, motionless, this is what things had turnout to be?

"Clare, go upstairs with the baby," Adam said gently. She nodded without hesitance and disappeared up the stairs.

"So you're Clare's husband now huh? And a father, congrats man, I'm really happy for you," I knew I was lying to myself. This wasn't what I had wanted for me and Clare, I was supposed to be her husband and father of her child. It pained me to say those words, I stared down at the newly interesting floor avoiding the awkwardness. Until Adam started laughing.

I looked up puzzled, this wasn't a laughing matter.

"Dude no, I'm not Clare's husband or the biological father of E.J, I'm just his father figure. The kid needed someone to look up to, and Clare needed someone." Adam chuckled. I let go of a breathe I didn't know I was holding. I was surely relieved that Clare hadn't actually moved on without me, but instead named a child after me.

"Wait, she isn't in a relationship or anything right?" I asked hesitantly.

"No man, you're the one, although you guys aren't technically married anymore since she was announced a widow." Adam frowned. Clare becoming a widow was a sight I hope to never see, her sad and miserable face would be one I couldn't take.

"And who's the child's father?" I slowly questioned.

"It's Clare's, and an anonymous donor," Adam sighed, "What happened to you? You don't understand what Clare had to go through to move on. Yeah, she's not with anyone, but it took her years to finally accept you weren't going to walk through that front door. After that, she just thought of you in heaven, waiting for her when the time was right. She had closure! So I'm going to ask again, what the hell happened? I'm not letting you put Clare through this shit again." Adam said flatly. I was stunned to be met with Adam's athoritive demeanor. He really did look after her, and I was truly thankful for that.

"Adam, I know okay? It was a long rigorous six years for me. I will explain everything to you, but for now, just update me on Clare, it's killing me that I don't know a single thing about my wife, I'm not dead as you can see, she is my wife," I repeated to myself, "She's my fucking wife, and I don't even know her anymore," I looked down, I was going down a spiral of desperation.

"You're opening up old wounds Eli," Adam shook his head. We were interrupted by a noise that sounded like someone was clearing their throat. Sure enough, Clare stood by the stairs eyeing us with something she clearly wanted to say.

"I'm ready to talk."

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And there we go, the second chapter didn't honestly turnout the way I wanted, but I hope it suffices. I'm going to be hopefully updating every week, but I just wanted to give you guys two chapters to get a feel of the story. I know this chapter is a little short, but I really wanted to end off the way I did because the "eclare talk" needed to be by itself. How'd ya like it?

Please review, comment, PM me here or on Tumblr, I need your input guys! :)

Regards,

RP xx


	3. Chapter 3

What's this? An early update? Well I'm going on my annual camping trip (yes I know how lame I am) and I fear the wifi will be spotty. So I decided to update early to not keep you guys waiting. Recap on some of my favorite reviews:

**catfishychicky01:** WOAHWOAHWOAHWOAH.. wha?

**Degrassilover419:** Aw thank you so much! Your reviews are awesome! I hope this chapter is up to par for your enjoyment! xx

**Always Lovely 1994:** No words can describe the size of my smile because of your review! thank you! xx

I'm sorry I cannot address each and every review for that will elongate this author's note and bore you. Thank you loads to each and every reviewer, you're my motivation!

Okay, so without further ado, here is Chapter 3!

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Degrassi or anything else.**

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Adam's Perspective

Was she honestly ready? I slowly walked towards her, worry etched clearly across my face. "Clare are you sure? We can always discuss this tomorrow or whenever you feel comfortable to," I gently soothed her already tense stance. Clare looked up at me, her blue orbs glossy and bottom lip trembling.

"If I don't do this tonight, I never will," Clare squeezed her eyes shut, a single tear escaping. I nodded, if this is what Clare thought was best, I would trust her.

"I'll go upstairs and take care of E.J, but if anything happens, if you need me, just call alright?" I wouldn't let Clare suffer anymore than she had to. She quickly nodded and with a final search to find any whim of doubt, I headed up stairs.

I walked into E.J's room only to see him sitting on the floor playing with his cars.

"Daddy, why is mama acting weird?" E.J's innocent voice suddenly entering my ears.

"She's going through some things kid, but she'll be fine," I smiled down at him, "I hope," I sighed.

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Eli's Perspective

I was just as surprised as Adam that Clare wanted to talk to me so early. I awkwardly stood in the living room whilst Adam and Clare spoke. Never would I have imagined that I would feel like a foreign stranger in my own house.

The sound of Adam's footsteps up the stairs brought me out of my thoughts and to find the love of life staring right back at me. If this situation were any different, Clare's stare would of been the stare she would always shoot at me when being smug, or the stare I would catch when she thought I wasn't looking. But this stare, was like she was looking at me as if she didn't know me at all. And frankly, I hated it.

Slowly she walked towards the chair in front of me and started muttering incoherent phrases. I wanted so badly to touch her and soothe her but knowing the circumstances, that wasn't possible. "Clare, are you alright?" She quickly perked her head up, her cheeks painted with that adorable pink blush.

"Uh yeah I am, it's just, you're real," she sighed shaking her head. I only smiled sadly knowing what could possibly going through her head.

"I know it's a lot to take in, but if you let me explain, I'll be on my way and out of your hair," my voice cracking. If me leaving Clare to live her life normally would cause her less pain, than so be it. Clare's pain, was my pain. And I couldn't handle it if I was the individual to increase her grief.

"Why would I want you to leave?" Clare bluntly asked looking at me like I had just sprouted two heads.

"Well I assum-"

"You assumed wrong, you're already here and alive. I don't think you comprehend how much pain you put me through, actually no, how much pain you put Adam and I in. You promised me the day we wed that you'd protect me and never leave me. But a couple months later, you were deployed to Iraq and I accepted that." She huffed, tears already falling again, "I accepted that you were a soldier and that it was who you were. You promised me that you'd come back to me. You promised, you promised me," Clare's form shook and I quickly ran to her and engulfed her in a tight embrace. She wrapped her arms around me, I lowered my forehead onto her shoulder. Tears already clouding my eyes I hugged the woman I'd been dying to touch for six years.

Her body slowly calmed and and all you could hear in the room was the hum of the refrigerator and the whimpers of Clare. Each whimper was a bullet to my heart. "I'm so _fucking_ sorry Clare," I repeated to her, squeezing her tighter with every apology. No amount of apologies could justify what I had put her through. But just having her back in my arms, it was the best feeling in the world.

I lifted her chin towards me and scanned her features. She was broken, and I was the only person who could fully fix her. Her puffy red eyes still held the same blue aura that always dazed me, her voluptuous lips still looked like they hadn't been kissed enough even after our many steamy nights, and her hair, those auburn locks I would get my hands lost in as we'd just stare at each other, were still there. Everything was still there, but the feeling of a missing piece lurked in my stomach. I dipped my head down and slowly kissed her. I gently paced myself and smiled as I could feel her kissing back. _Yep, this is exactly what she was missing._ I felt her palms push against my chest separating us.

"Now that you're here, you're sure as heck not leaving," Clare had meant for the phrase to be a joke, but I couldn't help but change the enchanting moment into a serious one.

"I'm not leaving, not anymore, you deserve the man who promised to love you forever, and I plan to spend the rest of my life proving I'm that man." She giggled and shook her head kissing me chastely.

"You're such a sap, I missed that."

"Yeah, but you wouldn't have me any other way." I smirked. A thought popped into my head causing me to grin shyly at Clare.

"What? What is it?" she poked me.

"Can I officially meet him? E.J?" I smiled. She frowned, and for a moment I thought she despised the idea, not allowing me to ever step foot near the child again.

"We're are not finished talking yet," she exhaled, "We've put this off long enough."

"And I know that, it's just," I paused looking sheepishly at her, "I'm dying to officially meet him."

Clare rolled her eyes and nodded dragging me up the stairs.

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Clare's Perspective

Is this really happening? Introducing my baby boy to the man for whom he was named after was something I'd never imagined. Of course it's because I thought Eli was supposedly dead. Although it looked like Eli and I were on the road to recovery, I felt a tinge of apprehension. What if he left me again? He'd promised to never leave, but broke that promise. What made this time different? How was I going to explain all of this to E.J? There is only so much a three year old can take.

Returning to my surroundings, I took Eli by the wrist and led him to E.J's room upstairs. Before opening the door, I half heartedly smiled at Eli knowing this was going to be an interesting experience. His face wore a mask of anxiousness and nervousness. I squeezed his hand in reassurance and opened the door.

Adam looked up from playing with E.J to see us standing and admiring my little boy. Adam stood up and walked over to us, a sly grin on his face.

"Everything okay?" He asked. I glanced at Eli to find him already looking at me.

"For now, I think we'll be alright." I chuckled, "Eli, on the other hand, wants to officially meet E.J." I grinned.

"Well lemme get him then," Adam crouched in front of E.J and whispered in his ear. E.J then nodded and got up approaching us.

"Hey baby, I'd like you to meet someone," I motioned towards Eli. Eli smirked and bent down to E.J's level.

"Hi, my name's Eli." he smiled. E.J hid behind my legs peeking his head only a tad. E.J wasn't really shy for the most part, but he did have his moments.

"Baby, it's okay, he's not going to hurt you," I gently whispered to him. E.J looked up at me and walked towards Eli, he looked up at him and scanned him as if contemplating a difficult decision. He slowly raised his arms and I laughed, this had to be the most adorable thing in the world. Eli rolled his eyes at me and picked up E.J.

This sight, was something I had pictured to happen a few months after Eli and and I had gotten married. Him holding our child was a dream that I so desperately desired to happen, but never in these circumstances. Eli played with E.J getting to know him whilst Adam and watched from the doorway.

"Still think this is a good idea?" Adam said with a tinge of uncertainty.

"At the moment, things seem to be in my favor Adam," I sighed, "But I have been wrong before."

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Wow that was a beast to write! I can safely say that I've written this chapter four times in the last five hours and it still isn't as great as I'd want it to be. I sincerely apologize for any mistakes, but I hope you guys enjoyed it! There was some tears, angst, and then fluff. I know it seems as if I let Clare rush into letting Eli back in but that is far from the case. I don't want to give too much away, but don't get to comfortable with this new fluffy eclare. There is still Eli's explanation and a secret that someone is keeping ;)

Thanks for all the wonderful feedback, please review, comment, PM me here or on Tumblr, don't be shy!

Regards,

RP xx


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